Gottman Couples Intensive in Sacramento

Break old patterns, get your relationship and communication unstuck, and gain real skills that will transform your relationships and life.

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What is Your Approach to a Couples Intensive?

I offer a couples intensive which combines the evidence-based Gottman Method and the Developmental Model of Couples Therapy. Over the last 5 years, I’ve helped dozens of couples through this process - the two approaches enable powerful, effective, and lasting changes in your relationship.

The Gottman Method

The Gottman Method is most researched, well known couples therapy based on actual observation and practical research. It focuses on gaining actual communications skills and rebuilding trust and affection between partners. 

    • Managing Conflict: Utilizing techniques to manage, rather than eliminate, conflict, including accepting influence and using "softened start-ups".

    • The Four Horsemen: Identifying and mitigating negative communication patterns (criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling).

    • Building Love Maps: Gaining a deep understanding of your partner’s inner psychological world, including their history, dreams, and worries.

    • Sharing Fondness and Admiration: Cultivating a culture of appreciation and respect to act as an antidote to contempt.

    • Turning Towards, Not Away: Recognizing and responding to a partner’s small, daily bids for connection.

    • Trust and Commitment: The foundational "beams" of the relationship house that ensure stability. 

    • The method also focuses on creating shared meaning, which involves supporting each other's life dreams and creating shared goals.

Developmental Model

The Developmental Model of Couples therapy is based on three pillars – Attachment Theory, Neuroscience and Differentiation. Discover ways to be authentic and vulnerable in relationships, and at the same time accepting your partner as they are.

    • Differentiation Theory: Focuses on helping partners establish a clear sense of self ("I") while remaining connected to your partner ("We"). Helping you build the emotional muscle to tolerate differences and create relational growth.

    • Attachment Theory: Addresses the secure or insecure bonds between you and your partner. Learn how learned attachment styles can lead to challenges and gain communication skills needed to deepen your bonds.

    • Neuroscience: Incorporates research on how the nervous system impacts reactivity. Gain the ability to manage stress and conflict more effectively. Integrate your emotional brain and your rational brain to gain a balance.

How does a couples intensive work?

Intensives are offered in 2 or 3 day formats. 

Before your first day, we’ll send you a link to complete a comprehensive Relationship Checkup. This assessment will help us clearly identify your strengths and weaknesses as a couple and help us tailor your weekend to your specific needs.

Day One:

Couples and Individual Intakes: Identifying old patterns and setting new goals

Days Two and/or Three 

Experiential interventions designed to enhance your communication needs, and address the immediate goals

Day Three (highly recommended)

In addition to Day Two interventions, addressing the core reasons of relational discord and laying the foundations of a healthier relationship.

You’ll leave with a binder of relationship skills, and a 7-week follow-up plan to keep your relationship on track. 

About Tom Paderna

Tom Paderna, Ph.D. specializes in relational issues and is a level 3 Gottman Method therapist and Advanced Developmental Model practitioner. He has led dozens of couples through transformational change over the last five years and is experienced in providing intensives. Tom has been in clinical practice over 8 years – after over 25 years in the software industry.
His Ph.D. dissertation was on the mental health of health providers. 

Protecting Your Investment

The Intensive After-Care Plan

After an intensive, couples often describe feeling a "vulnerability hangover"—you’ve done months of work in a few days and need a bridge back to daily life. Our plan ensures the momentum gained isn't lost to the "real world" routine.

    • Low Stimulation: Avoid scheduling high-stress meetings or large social gatherings immediately following the intensive.

    • Emotional Processing: Give each other grace; you may feel emotionally "raw" or tired after such deep work.

    • No Big Decisions: Unless the goal of the intensive was a specific "discernment" outcome, wait a few days before implementing major life changes discussed during the intensive.

    • Scheduled "State of the Union": Set a weekly 20-minute meeting to use the communication tools learned during the intensive.

    • The "Witnessing" Practice: Actively practice the "witnessing" technique—hearing your partner's truth without taking it on as your own burden.

    • Small Wins: Focus on one specific "new habit" (like a daily 6-second kiss or a specific appreciation) rather than trying to fix everything at once.

    • Check-In Sessions: Schedule 1–2 follow-up 90-minute sessions over the next month to "fine-tune" the tools in your natural environment.

    • Resource Review: Re-read the handouts or notes from your intensive during your weekly check-in to keep the concepts fresh.