Reflections on Trauma and Healing from a Somatic Therapist
By Kaitlin Dougherty, AMFT
Last weekend, I went to a party. Most of my friends that were there are Arab, four of whom are Palestinian. It had been months since I’d seen them. The last time I was with them we were camping by the Yuba river. I remembered us floating in our tubes, soaking in the sun, smiles broad across our faces. So much had changed since then.
“How are you?” I asked L., one of my Palestinian friends. She shrugged and said, “My body is here, but my mind and heart are somewhere else.”
I nodded, taking in what she said, trying to imagine what she’s going through.
As a therapist, I recognized the symptoms of trauma in her response. Simply put, trauma is what happens when one’ psyche is so overwhelmed by an event, that it splits into pieces. I mean that metaphorically, but it’s also quite literal. Trauma disorganizes and cuts off communication between the brain's parts. While part of our brain might knows we’re safe, another part can perceive threat.
“How are you coping?” I asked her. “Being around people who get it,” she said, gesturing to those around us. Again, I nodded. Relationships, when healthy, are powerful healers. For L. people who “get it” means she can be more present in her body. It means she is safe to feel her feelings, without the threat of being questioned, shamed, or gaslit.
A Therapist to Witness Your Pain & Healing
This conversation with L. got me thinking about an article I read, years ago. It was about the power of a therapist as a witness. The author, psychoanalyst Dr. Jessica Benjamin, described the healing power of relationships as proof of our need as humans to be connected to a loving protector. Her research proved the role of the witness as the determining factor in creating or destroying one’s perception of a safe, lawful world. According to Benjamin, when therapists witness a client’s testimony of oppression and neglect to respond with protective action, the injury to the perception of a lawful world is deepened. And the client is led to doubt their sense of what is real. Conversely, when therapists respond to clients’ oppression with protective action, the perception of a lawful world is restored, and the client’s trust in themself grows.
In today’s world, social media has pushed us into the role of the witness, whether we like it or not. Most of us don’t have the training of therapists, and therefore don’t have the skill set, or the nervous system, to be a loving witness. As a result, many of us are being the kind of witness that causes more harm. Unintentionally, of course, but still, nonetheless.
It is not my intention to shame anyone. I have compassion for those of us who “don’t get it.” Witnessing a genocide is traumatizing and triggering, to say the least. When we get triggered, our nervous system hijacks our brains and sends us into “fight, flight, or freeze” mode. Meaning, our bodies are here, but our hearts and minds go somewhere else.
The good news is, this is something that can be healed. Over time, we can heal our nervous systems, and expand our capacity to witness in a loving, protective, restorative manner. One of the ways we do that is by allowing ourselves to be witnessed in such a way. Or in other words, therapy.
Right now, the psychic load of being a witness is heavy. And it’s way too heavy to carry alone. We need more people helping to carry the load. We need more people who “get it.” As a collective, we need to expand the capacities of our nervous systems, so that we can be the witnesses the world needs.
Kaitlin Dougherty, AMFT, is an expressive arts therapist offering therapy for teens and adults in the Bay Area and online. With a social justice perspective, Kaitlin helps individuals heal from relational trauma and internalized oppression. Specializing in sexual trauma, Kaitlin also supports the kink and polyamory communities. Clients seek her help for anxiety, depression, trauma, grief, women's issues, codependency, self-esteem, LGBTQ+ concerns, and more.
Kaitlin works holistically, addressing mental, emotional, physical, spiritual, and cultural aspects of self. With 3 years of therapy experience, 3 years of expressive arts training, 5 years working with youth in foster care, and 8 years as a community organizer, Kaitlin offers depth psychotherapy, trauma-focused therapy, expressive arts, mindfulness, client-centered therapy, inner child/reparenting work, and North American Indigenous psychotherapy.
Availability: Telehealth Only; Monday - Thursday by appointment.