Coworking, Cohabitating, and Coronavirus
Depending on where you live in this big wide world, you are either on your 3rd week or 3rd month of this “new normal” of working from home and trying to not lose your mind. One of the biggest impacts of social distancing and stay at home orders is that partners are spending more time together than ever before. Relationships are at risk of becoming toxic, tense, and in the worst-case scenario abusive. This article seeks to address the areas that may be causing the most tension and give some practical tips on how to cope.
During the first week, you probably found yourself in problem-solving mode, fueled by adrenaline. Some logistical areas that are important to discuss are as follows: Physical Space, Emotional Space, Financial Stress, and Health Concerns. Try to have these conversations after sleeping well, eating a balanced meal (limiting sugar and caffeine), moving your body, and doing some deep breathing. If your body is in a calm state you access the pre-frontal cortex which is the decision- making center of your brain. Have weekly check-ins and be willing to adjust and adapt agreements as needed.
You and your partner likely have differences in approaches to stress management. Try not to judge your partners coping skills. Encourage them to engage in their support system virtually. Many primary partner issues stem from putting too much pressure and expectations that the relationship should be fulfilling equally, all the time. Be responsible for owning your emotional stuff. When we get into projecting or displacing our own emotions onto others, we inadvertently shift the focus away from ourselves.
The temperament types and personality characteristics of introverts and extroverts are helpful to keep in mind. Know your own temperament and your partners’. You might notice an introvert is self-isolating more whereas, the extrovert is desperate to find ways to connect more. Seek a balance in temperament preferences. What can you share to help your partner? Take space when you need it. Give space when your partner needs it.
Relationship stressors pre-Covid are still present! You may be noticing that the pre-existing stressors feel more present. Consider trying online couples counseling.
Think about the concept of collective coping. If you can embrace your partners coping style, you can work toward balancing each other out. Brene Brown recommends naming what percentage you feel you have to give. Ideally a couple can function in a healthy manner at 80/20. This gives each partner the chance to be there for the other. When both of you are falling below 20% then you need to have a plan to regroup and recharge.
Written by:
Amanda Gibson, LCSW
